My Only Weakness: This Cold Heart of Mine
by Devil-Incarnate
Summary: I am Sesshoumaru.No one dares to look straight into my eyes and live to tell about it. But one little girl did.Her name was Rin. Little did I know that this girl would change my life and awaken my heart. AN: this is a SessRin fic.One shotter. plz R&R.


Disclaimer: Nope, sadly I do not anyone of the characters used in this story. Rumiko Takahashi has the privilege. But I can borrow them for a while, ne?

A/N: This is a one shotter and has Sess/Rin pairing. If any of you don't like this pairing, I suggest you stop reading this right now. It is also highly angsty and a bit lemony. So there! I know, I know, I should be writing up the next chapter of 'A shot at normalcy: University life," but hey, I've been wanting to write this for a while now. Hope you like it. Its gonna be pretty short and is going to be from Sesshoumaru's POV.

**My Only Weakness: This Cold Heart of mine.**

Who am I? And what am I doing here? Why am I even talking to you humans? You are nothing but filth, right? Isn't that what I always say? And if I say so then it must be right.

I am the great youkai lord of the western lands, the cool unemotional statue of marble, with no heart whatsoever, the great warlord who is feared by (almost) everyone. I am Sesshoumaru,. 

No one dares to look straight into my eyes and live to tell about it. But one little girl did. Her name was Rin.

 Bubbling with innocence, she practically saved my life after I was fatally wounded by my hanyou half-brother, InuYasha. And then one day, she was killed by her own kind when she was foraging for food, for me.(A/N: I know she was killed by Kouga's wolves. But this is just for the sake of the story) She got killed because of me. 

I, Sesshoumaru, could not let that happen. The puny human child had cared for me and I was indebted to her, maybe, for life. I could not let that fountain of innocence disappear into nothingness because of me.

 I did the only thing that I had to do to save the honour of my family, or atleast that's what I thought then, I revived her. I revived her using my father's fang, the Tensaiga. Yes, Tetsusaiga's sister fang. 

And since that day she has followed me like a shadow. Her constant chatter reminding me that innocence and happiness and emotions still exist in this world.

 I had given up on such things long ago, centuries ago, to be precise. My past was now bloodstained and my heart had lost all emotion.

 Little did I know that this girl would change all of it by her merely being the way she was.

All through the years she followed me, she followed me everywhere. She even stared straight in the face of danger, with the determination that she always had. That determination to live. Ah! She reminded me of that hanyou's wench sometimes. What was her name? Kagome, I think.

This little creature looked up to me as an idol. I was her "Sesshoumaru sama". I did not mind that. 

Though I hated to admit it, denied to admit it, I had started caring for this human who had so suddenly come into my life. I, the great lord of the western lands, who hated the human race for all I was worth and who thought that emotions were a weakness, had allowed myself to care for this human girl. Revolting! 

She was my charge now. No matter how much I hated to admit it, I cared for her. And whenever I did something 'wrong', there was always something at the back of my mind, that little voice that kept telling me what Rin would think of me now.

 I did not want her to stop looking up to me with that undying devotion and admiration in her eyes. I was becoming one attention freak. I did almost everything keeping her in mind.

I watched her grow up. That little angel. Did I just call her angel? 

I watched her grow up and watched her as she underwent the changes that turned her from a child into a woman. She was like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Both of them so fragile, both of them scraggly at first. But just like a butterfly, she had now grown into a creature of immense beauty and at the same time had all her innocence. 

The day that I still remember clearly is the day when she first reached her womanhood, the day that she was first in heat. 

She came to me crying, absolutely clueless to what was happening to her. She hoped that I could do something about it. Little did she know that this transformation was affecting me as much as it was affecting her. I had turned away from her and had told her to leave me alone. I did not want to hurt her, her newly changed scent was making it difficult for me to remain in control of my base desires. If she stayed with me much longer, I would not have been able to control what came next.

She had hugged my back. She wanted reassurance, but I couldn't give her any. I knew she needed me to be with her, but I couldn't. Why did this happen? It wasn't like I hadn't been around females who were in heat. True, that I did feel my desires stir, but never before had they been so strong. And to feel such an emotion towards my charge? I should be ashamed and I was. 

I could not risk hurting her and she needed someone's support all through this. And that someone could not be me. She could not have her "Sesshoumaru-sama" to fall back upon during such a time. 

For our best interests, I sent her to an etiquette school in one of the villages near the boundaries of my land. Far away form me.

 She was now becoming a woman and if she was to mate with a respectable male of her kind, she would have to have the so called "skills" that the village noble women had. 

I personally went and talked to her sensei. Just one look was enough to convince her (A/N: 'her' in this case in Rin's new sensei.) that I would not tolerate anything less than perfection and that Rin was only to have the best. 

The next day I broke the news to Rin that she would be leaving that afternoon. She was heartbroken and I still remember our little dialogue that morning.

"Rin, you will be leaving today."

She looked up to me with sad, shocked eyes. She knew what I was talking about. Why would I want to send her away when she needed me the most? She would never understand.

"No," was all that she said, and the salty river had started overflowing.

In  spite of myself, I went to her and lifted her tearstained face in my hand and asked her just one question, "Rin. Don't you want to please me?"

"Hai."

The answer decided it all. She had agreed to go. 

I never saw her off. She wanted to say goodbye, but I chose not to meet her. I did not know how I would react. I had let myself care for her too much. It hurt me to send her away. Yes, it hurt me, me, the emotionless youkai. But it had to be done. 

After she left, I missed her incessant chatter and the happiness that seemed to follow her everywhere. The large house was strangely empty without her. The days without her around were long and dragged on endlessly, even for a youkai like me who had live a few centuries.  But slowly I got used to living without her; after all, I was alone before she so suddenly came into my life.

Though the first year was long, the other five years seemed to go by quickly. I had never once let Rin visit me during the time. She had to learn to live without me. And I, without her.

 But now it is time for her to come back home.*1 I hear the carriage stop in front of the grounds. I know that I will be seeing a changed person. But what I see is beyond my expectations. This Rin was completely different from the child that had left my protection. 

She has grown taller and her body is shapely like that of a woman. She is now truly a woman, not a girl. Her mouth has become fuller and her hair is longer than ever. She has changed.

That night at the dinner table, I see something more. She was diamond, and had now been carefully cut and polished in all the right places so that all the beauty and brilliance showed through. But she was sad.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she began hesitantly.

"Nani?" I ask brusquely, hoping that she did not see me staring openly at her.

"Why did you send me away?"

"So that you could have a chance to grow up among your kind."

"Oh…"

That is all that I am ready to tell her. I cannot tell her about my feelings. I know them not myself. But after six years, it is not possible to see her just as a child and my charge.

Over the days I try to keep myself away from her more and more. I cannot just destroy her life like that. She has to be with her own people. I decide to "marry" her off to the noble in the neighbouring village. From all that I know, he is an honourable man and he will keep Rin happy. If he wants to live that is.

I break this news to Rin. Tears fill her eyes and she runs away to her room. I take that as a yes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is now a month since I told Rin about her wedding. She hasn't spoken to me properly ever since. Whenever I look into her eyes, I see sadness, admiration and another emotion that I cannot quite put a finger on.

Today is the wedding day and they are now performing the sake ceremony. I am not there, I watch from high above in the sky, I have nothing to do with human ceremonies or mating rituals. 'mating rituals', Rin is becoming someone mate. Someone else's mate. Somehow this is a thought that I cannot tolerate. I leave.

~~~~~~~~~

I am restless, I cannot sleep. Something keeps telling me that everything is not right. Not as it should be. Ofcourse how could it be?

I had only today sent away my Rin with a stranger that she didn't know or care for against her wishes. Though she never said it, I know. I am a demon, I know. She was afraid and sad and hopeless but yet I sent her away. Why? Because I did not want her to affect me the way she did. I am a selfish bastard,ne? Destroying the life of the only person who cared for me because of my selfishness.

I decide to go for a round of my grounds. Hoping that it will ease away some of this unease. I wander around aimlessly and I think I hear someone call my name. In a panicstriken voice. I know who it is, but I still move on, thinking that it is only the wind. I am far away from where she is. Or am I? I look down and realise that I am above her new home and there is that cry again.

I lower myself, and smell her fear and panic. What could be causing her this much distress? I near the large house. Rin's new house. I smell the distress radiating from Rin. How do I know its form her? the answer is simpler than you think. She is the only living being to whose feelings I've been tuned to for a long, long time now. I now enter the house and I smell the salty tears that have been flowing from her beautiful eyes. What is going on?

I search for her frantically, it isn't hard when I follow her scent. I reach the room that she is in and I smell two other scents. Rin still hadn't mated with her new 'husband'. I couldn't smell him on her.

"What's the use of calling out his name? He sent you away. To me." This was her husband. He was drunk.

"You are ours to plunder now. How could the demon lord not have seen this treasure under his very nose?" came another voice, from the scent, I inferred that he must be Rin's brother in law. He was not supposed to be here.

All that I could hear from Rin were sobs and she was repeating my name like a mantra. 

All that I hear is disgusting me. They are forcing themselves upon her without her consent and one of them doesn't even have the right to do that. I tear down the door in one swift motion. The drunkards are shocked but they still sneer at me. Rin doesn't look up. She is still sobbing. Her kimono is in tatters. She doesn't even look up. Just chants my name.

"You gave her away and now she is mine," said the noble.

That is all I need to hear. I slash them into oblivion with my claws, without uttering a single word. I have hurt her. More than I can tolerate. I am a selfish arrogant fool. The man was right. How could I not see what I had with me? Rin is still sobbing. Oblivious to everything around her. I remove my armour to take off my haori. I cover her with it. She is still crying.

I sit down beside her and pull her into my lap. My Rin, my precious little Rin. She just buries her head into my chest and cries.

"It's all right now, Rin. I am here. They are no more," I tell her. I can feel her sobs rocking her body. It feels good to have her petite frame melded against myself. I can feel her warmth and it is doing something to me. Now I remember the reason I sent her away. 

No matter how much I hate to admit it, I have fallen in love with this human. Something that I had vowed would never happen.  I cannot bear to see her like this. It makes me miserable. She stirs in me feelings and emotions that I never even knew I had. She had quietened down a bit and has noticed my presence. She stiffens a bit when she feels the arms around her, but relaxes again when she notices that it is only me. 

She now looks at me with those big eyes, still filled with tears, sadness, gratitude and … love. "Why did you do this to me? Why Sesshoumaru-sama, Why?"

And the tears have started again. I can't hold myself much longer. I cup her face in my hands and look into her eyes. She gasps at what she sees in those amber depths, but before she can say anything, I have taken her mouth in a kiss filled with all the emotions that I feel for her. 

I plunder her mouth and taste her sweetness mixed with the salty tears. She resists at first but then surrenders. She kisses me back with equal passion and I can smell her scent change and it is making me harder to stay in control. I pull back to give us a chance to breath and see a gentle blush covering her features. She looks so fragile and small with my haori being the only garment covering her, she seems lost in all the folds.

"This is why." I tell her. And before she can look at me or say anything, I take her lips in another desire filled kiss, she returns it. And before I know it, I have relieved her of her only clothing and shed mine own. Before long, I have taken her like an animal that I am. I have mated with her. She is mine. She looks up to me and starts crying. 

"This is why," I tell her again.

I realise that I did the very thing to her that I was trying to save her from. But now I do not regret it.

"Do you regret what happened just now, Rin?" I ask her, while covering her with my fur pelt and pulling her back to me.

The answer is barely a whisper, but it dispels my worst fears.

"No, I do not."

She is readily giving herself to me. Why did I push her away for so long? I am jarred from my reverie when I hear people come up the stairs. They enter the room and see everything. I kill them too, because they dared to interfere. We sit there in silence. Rin huddled on my lap.

~~~~~

Rin is now living with me as my mate, not as my charge. I have become overly possessive of her, but it is only natural considering that I am a youkai. Thoughts of her leaving me still haunt me, but she has a longer life span, now that she is my mate. Subconsciously, my hand moves towards the hit of the Tensaiga. And I realise what I am holding. Yes, I can revive her with the Tensaiga. She will never leave my side. I now thank my father for the fang that he left for me. I wonder how he knew I would be the one needing it?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*1 The change of tense, from past to present, is intentional. Sesshoumaru was talking about the past and from this point is talking as things proceed. The whole fic is from his POV.

**_A/N: That's it guys. I hope you liked it. I know it isn't all that great but it is just a thing about 'what if such a thing happens." Actually I got this idea from a friend, who once told me while watching the anime, "I wish that Rin and Fluffy would have hot, wild, monkey sex when she grows up." It made me laugh in the beginning, but then I thought that it wasn't such a bad idea. Only that I decided to make it a lot more angsty, less citrussy and more long term. I tried to clear out all the things that I thought would get in the way of the ending that I wanted in the story. Hope it makes sense. _**

****

**_Please read and review. Flaming and cussing is welcome too. Just any thing that will let me know what the readers think. Ja. And Gomen if it offends anyone. _**


End file.
